Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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