so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
