I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
