dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
