$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
