he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
