There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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