i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
