I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
