remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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