We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is Oprah even human
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
