Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
