just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
