I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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