What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
