just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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