I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
