somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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