Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We need to rekindle our bromance
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
