you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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