Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
