Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
