Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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