I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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