I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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