I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
