thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
so much tequila, so little girl.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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