my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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