I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
