I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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