The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
