Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
