pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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