I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
