i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
