You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
