i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
