So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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