That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
