yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
