their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
