Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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