I didn't shave. On purpose
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
