I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
