peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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