Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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