Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I understand Curling. That high.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
