I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
