Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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