Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
