I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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