do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
