Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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