If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
